What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
Why was the turkey in the pop group? Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes!
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!
What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? A mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? Noël Coward!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? Only 25, there’s no L!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift!
Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? Christmas Chopin!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had no body to go with!
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey? On the dark side!
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh!
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill? The National Elf Service!
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This one will sleigh you!
How do you lift a frozen car? With a Jack Frost!
Which holiday mascot has the least spare change? St. Nickel-less!
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? Welfy!
How did the bauble get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life!
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky? Looks like rain, dear!
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone!
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause!
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsels!
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? Christmas chopping!
What do sheep say at Christmas? A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple!
What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve? Auld Fang Syne!
Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet!